It was the worst day of my life, I felt I had nothing left to live for. I felt everyone was here to only harm me and hurt me, no one wanted to see me happy. I felt my life had shattered. I was just 10. My favourite toy had been accidentally broken by my cousin.
They all conspired against me. I felt betrayed and cheated. I so wanted to wear my brand new white dress and they decided to keep blue as the colour theme. It was the last day of my school, I was just 16.
Through many years even after that, these feelings of betrayal, others hurting me, conspiring against me and other similar ones, kept creeping into my head. Someone didn’t like my new haircut and I didn’t step out of the house till they grew back. I was fat shamed on social media and I didn’t eat for days. A friend commented on my communication skills and I couldn’t speak publicly for years, my confidence was broken. My boss’s opinion of me decided how talented and skilled I felt. What my neighbors thought of me, became the reality of my character. And the list goes on and on...
Till one day, I felt like a puppet. A puppet whose remote control, was as if distributed to every random person on the road. Whose emotions, behaviours, actions, thoughts and worth, completely depended on how they used the remote control. It was as if I was shaken up from a deep slumber. I no longer wanted to be a controlled puppet. I did not want to be a hostage of other’s opinion of me. I wanted to break free.
I realised that somehow I ended up letting people control me. I allowed other’s opinions to impact me. Every insignificant opinion began to dictate my reality. And then I began working on my ‘impact circle’. I carefully chose who would be inside my circle of impact and who would be outside. Who are these people who I trust completely and undoubtedly. Those I am sure will accept me as I am and will be non-judgemental honest critics of my shortcomings.
Over the years, this circle kept shrinking, till I got to just 2 people in my life, that I decided to allow to remain inside my circle of impact. Make no mistake...those I carefully opted to keep outside the circle, don’t stand to be insignificant in my life. They consist of my closest friends, my family members too and even some colleagues that I dearly love, care about and feel connected to. Yet, for the peace of my own soul, I chose to not allow them inside my Circle of Impact. It purely and simply means - while I will love them, care for them and stay compassionately available, anything that they do or don’t do, will not have a major impact on my being. It is, in my mind, the lowest form of detached attachment.
Keeping my Circle of Impact small and intact, has given me the freedom nothing else could. It has brought the much needed peace and contentment to my soul. I am blessed to reach this state of calm. How BIG or Small is YOUR Circle Of Impact?
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